Shirley's Guestbook

Hi Shirley, I just read your story and I am very sorry about your husband's heart valve. I can't imagine how you feel. I am on the other end of the situation but I know if it were my husband instead of me I would be very worried and scared. Maybe, more scared than I am being it is me. At least I know how I feel. It is hard to know what is king on in a man's head sometimes but when they face a crisis it can be worse. They feel as though they are the protectors so they want to keep us safe from whatever fear they maybe feeling. And they don't want us to worry. Since I have gotten my diagnosis my husband acts like if he doesn't talk or think about it - it either isn't true or it will go away. He actually told me this basic thing when I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis! Your husband maybe different but I think most men are a like in this regard. I actually feel that the actual surgery time is worse for the spouse and family, I mean after all we will be sleeping through the whole thing and part of the next 12-24 hours. While, you get to wait.. Helpless. Not knowing -what is taking so long? Did they start surgery yet? The surgery is going to be 3-5 hours, I wonder if it is going to be closer to 3 or 5? Did he go to recovery yet? Oh it is 4.5 hours now and I have to pee, should I go? If I go you know the doctor will come out as soon as I get my pants down. Anyway, I know it is scary and you have been through it before. Does that help? They say people fear the unknown but I sometimes think you fear the known just as much. You know, like when the dentist says I have to fill a tooth and I will numb it with that very long needle that he moves around in your mouth like he is taking shorthand. I know that very well ( lots of dental procedures) and I know my heart rate goes up at the thought of it. I am not at all afraid of the dentist until he gets he mentions novocaine. Maybe you should just offer him fluids every so often, to help with the fluid intake. I am a nurse and I forget to drink fluids some days myself. I should set an alarm or something to make sure I drink something every so often.